The Great Debate

I know plenty of women who have had their hearts broken before and deal with the repercussions of applying what they've learned from it in their experience with someone new (disclaimer: and possibly men too I'm just speaking from what I've experienced and have been able to relate to). We fight ourselves to treat everyone we meet without any biases and give them a clean slate. The truth is, we're only human and our desire to protect ourselves exceeds our desire to be vulnerable. Our ability to trust others is tainted. I wrote this poetic monologue about a struggle a woman has between her previous single scorned self and her current self in a new great relationship. Each paragraph alternates the person and it starts off with the single scorned woman. Enjoy ladies and gentlemen.

The Great Debate

I thought I told you not to give it up
Didn't you learn from me?
Why bind yourself to someone else
When I taught you individuality
Here you are again
Falling head over heels
Possibilities of destruction woven at its' seams
Why take the risk of broken hearts to mend when you have the chance to be free

Well, you see he slipped out of my dreams
I can't possibly pass him up
And if you gave him a chance to prove himself you would know he's the one
I've convinced you I learned my lesson and gave you two years to live amongst
It's time for you to abandon your fears and let fate believe in us

That's where you're wrong we've been through this before
He'll be led astray and the signs you'll ignore
Self-defense mechanisms you've inherited through our last relationship's war
Let me protect you again so you won't be further lured

I'm in love, it's too late to protect me from his intentions
And he has promised me daily that with him I'm secured
He would rather kill himself than cause any further damage for me to endure
All I can do is trust in his word and his actions match from what I've observed
There is no man as great as him but Dad on this earth, of this I'm sure

No, you're naive and uncertain so you continuously attempt to prove
That his good deeds originate from genuine truth
Well this world is swarmed with sin and there's no such thing as perfection
When he isn't around you how do you know what he'll do

A leap of faith directed by previous consistency
You bring forth great argument but if he's not the one than who is "he"
Your doubts from pain left you bitter, paranoid in grief
Brainwashed to believe you're not deservng of love's essentials, please
Just trust in me and that I know what I'm doing
And trust that I know who he may or may not be
And trust that I know who he is with me
And if that ever changes or I'm disappointed again
Then I will let you live, I'll bow out and leave
But allow me to present to you why I believe in this
I died before you got here and resurrected in his kiss
I promise I didn't mean to desert you but he is great enough reason
I'm not sorry that I met him but I apologize for your depress

You left me out here alone
On a planet so miserable
I wish I could run away to where you're at and have hope in all you say you know
But I'm so tainted from the toxic waste I inhaled in that smoke
The fire that burned bridges you previously built with a man you thought you knew before
But you were wrong
You were oh so wrong
And I suffered through your mourn
Now you forget how I wiped your tears and how I made you strong
Fail to recognize and insult all of my hard work
I trained you so you wouldn't allow yourself to be harmed
I taught you how to sift through the bullshit and read through a mans false charm
I invented you, how dare you keep me stranded in limbo's arms

Stranded but never silent
You scream your way to my heart
Just when I fall deeper in love you create another block
Limbo's arms still reach to beat it as you invade my thoughts
Your pessimistic views and developed insecurities are continuously being fought
I went through pain too, I died for you, wasn't that enough?
But no, you will never be satisfied
Not with him or anyone else
And you use other people's experiences for reassurance of self
All of their failed relationships fuel your debates and doubts
Then there you are rearing your head again to question what ours is about
You apply his normal tendencies as suspicious acts and pout
Because every action has a reaction and logical reason is thrown out
You have no evidence but in your mind the scenarious pan out

What if I do?
What if I'm right?
What if all along he wasn't worth your fight?
What if all I'm arguing, he solidifies?
And what if he reveals he felt nothing and lied?
What if he breaks your heart and steals every piece?
What if my limbo is the reason for this relationship's cease?
What if he wanders and with another woman he leaves?
What if you can't cope with my insecurities?

The beauty about what if's is they may never exist
My love for him isn't capable of a resist
It's up to you to forgive then with us you'll assist
Until then I'll progress without you and take my chances

Do I decline or submit?

Sincerely,
Sonya