The Great Debate

I know plenty of women who have had their hearts broken before and deal with the repercussions of applying what they've learned from it in their experience with someone new (disclaimer: and possibly men too I'm just speaking from what I've experienced and have been able to relate to). We fight ourselves to treat everyone we meet without any biases and give them a clean slate. The truth is, we're only human and our desire to protect ourselves exceeds our desire to be vulnerable. Our ability to trust others is tainted. I wrote this poetic monologue about a struggle a woman has between her previous single scorned self and her current self in a new great relationship. Each paragraph alternates the person and it starts off with the single scorned woman. Enjoy ladies and gentlemen.

The Great Debate

I thought I told you not to give it up
Didn't you learn from me?
Why bind yourself to someone else
When I taught you individuality
Here you are again
Falling head over heels
Possibilities of destruction woven at its' seams
Why take the risk of broken hearts to mend when you have the chance to be free

Well, you see he slipped out of my dreams
I can't possibly pass him up
And if you gave him a chance to prove himself you would know he's the one
I've convinced you I learned my lesson and gave you two years to live amongst
It's time for you to abandon your fears and let fate believe in us

That's where you're wrong we've been through this before
He'll be led astray and the signs you'll ignore
Self-defense mechanisms you've inherited through our last relationship's war
Let me protect you again so you won't be further lured

I'm in love, it's too late to protect me from his intentions
And he has promised me daily that with him I'm secured
He would rather kill himself than cause any further damage for me to endure
All I can do is trust in his word and his actions match from what I've observed
There is no man as great as him but Dad on this earth, of this I'm sure

No, you're naive and uncertain so you continuously attempt to prove
That his good deeds originate from genuine truth
Well this world is swarmed with sin and there's no such thing as perfection
When he isn't around you how do you know what he'll do

A leap of faith directed by previous consistency
You bring forth great argument but if he's not the one than who is "he"
Your doubts from pain left you bitter, paranoid in grief
Brainwashed to believe you're not deservng of love's essentials, please
Just trust in me and that I know what I'm doing
And trust that I know who he may or may not be
And trust that I know who he is with me
And if that ever changes or I'm disappointed again
Then I will let you live, I'll bow out and leave
But allow me to present to you why I believe in this
I died before you got here and resurrected in his kiss
I promise I didn't mean to desert you but he is great enough reason
I'm not sorry that I met him but I apologize for your depress

You left me out here alone
On a planet so miserable
I wish I could run away to where you're at and have hope in all you say you know
But I'm so tainted from the toxic waste I inhaled in that smoke
The fire that burned bridges you previously built with a man you thought you knew before
But you were wrong
You were oh so wrong
And I suffered through your mourn
Now you forget how I wiped your tears and how I made you strong
Fail to recognize and insult all of my hard work
I trained you so you wouldn't allow yourself to be harmed
I taught you how to sift through the bullshit and read through a mans false charm
I invented you, how dare you keep me stranded in limbo's arms

Stranded but never silent
You scream your way to my heart
Just when I fall deeper in love you create another block
Limbo's arms still reach to beat it as you invade my thoughts
Your pessimistic views and developed insecurities are continuously being fought
I went through pain too, I died for you, wasn't that enough?
But no, you will never be satisfied
Not with him or anyone else
And you use other people's experiences for reassurance of self
All of their failed relationships fuel your debates and doubts
Then there you are rearing your head again to question what ours is about
You apply his normal tendencies as suspicious acts and pout
Because every action has a reaction and logical reason is thrown out
You have no evidence but in your mind the scenarious pan out

What if I do?
What if I'm right?
What if all along he wasn't worth your fight?
What if all I'm arguing, he solidifies?
And what if he reveals he felt nothing and lied?
What if he breaks your heart and steals every piece?
What if my limbo is the reason for this relationship's cease?
What if he wanders and with another woman he leaves?
What if you can't cope with my insecurities?

The beauty about what if's is they may never exist
My love for him isn't capable of a resist
It's up to you to forgive then with us you'll assist
Until then I'll progress without you and take my chances

Do I decline or submit?

Sincerely,
Sonya

I just appreciated this...

All Love.

-League

I want you more than I want to

I want you more than I want to
I like you more than I’d like to

But you would never know because I’m too petrified to tell the truth.

Friendships turned relationships have a stigma of ending roughly
And I keep my composure around you so my ego keeps security
If I exposed myself and you denied me the possibility
I could never revert myself to what we used to be
I’m a woman of minimal sensitivity but that would take a toll on me
With confidence shot I would be distraught and delay any further speech
With communication bound, there would be no reason to speak
Your feelings of guilt behind your unmatched feelings
And if you engaged in conversation you would probably be reeling
Pulling your teeth to keep this friendship sturdy
But it died when I crossed the line
Burnt the bridge halfway through and fell into mime
Blank stares with hand gestures waving “hello” and “goodbye”
The depth of our waters turn shallow in this time
You slowly forget me and move on enjoying life
I stumble across your kind from time to time
Reassurance from my memory that the risk may secede the ties
Struggle imagining the progression while the fear of reality fails to subside because…

I want you more than I want to
I like you more than I’d like to

But you would never know because I’m too petrified to tell the truth.

The truth

I lied when I said I loved you
The statement wasn't the whole truth
And a half truth is a whole lie
So this is written to justify
That I should've said I will love you forever, I love you now, I have loved you in a past life
And if we loved never before...that was probably why I died.

Love's Employee

He had a list

Of old references

Women from past instances

Black book resume

Ancient works of play

They all would state he was a great employee of love's mistake

Interviews of maintaining promising contracts

Retracts signatures once hired with his tongue's lash

Wounds caused from hope bashed

Yet they still croon at his voice's attack

Sweet sentences that their ears attract

Re-hiring this man's potential professionalism

With lust's disguise as emotional journalism

Written on the pages of their one-sided agreements

Because he never claimed his feelings

Since they never existed

The women enlisted shared common stories of his inability to persist with dedication

And as I listened to their justifications

In amazement I realized the boss directed me to his employees

These ladies hadn't controlled a single thing other than figments of what could be but never was

He applied for a position he knew he was overqualified to become

Took a leap at submission and leadership in one

He desires partnership

I desire compatability in this laboring environment

Together, we work.

Still Coolin'

Just in case you were wondering...I'm still here...coolin'.

Click -----> HERE to download. Happy New Year.

-League

Cheers to the New Year.

So, a while ago I was reading an ABA Journal article that mentioned Game 4 of the Cleveland-Chicago series of the 2010 NBA Playoffs. I remember that game. It was just before half-time when Lebron James threw up a half-court shot and it hit nothing but net. Everybody on the court and in the stands went crazy, but Mr. James just stepped back and nodded. He knew it was going in. That’s kind of how I feel about The League. We are going to be that half-court shot and while everybody is celebrating and watching from the sidelines in amazement, we will all just step back and nod, because we already know that we’re hitting nothing but net.

Happy 2011. This is our year. Hope you all feel the same.


peace,

Paige.